You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
