I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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