So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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