I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
