Taylor Swift is so right about you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
