I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
