i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
