Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
