Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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