totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
