You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Come share oat with me in your robe
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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