i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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