My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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