Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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