Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
