May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
