and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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