I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
