Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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