Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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