I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
