ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
