Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
try to milk me bitch
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
