I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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