that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
