im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
