have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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