my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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