I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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