My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
