I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
