Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
