I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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