are you still at the devil's house?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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