is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
