Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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