If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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