This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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