Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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