Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
