he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
