Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
