I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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