Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
