dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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