You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
