You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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