Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
