I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
