Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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