you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I met the friendliest cop last night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
