That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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