I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
