she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
