Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is Oprah even human
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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