My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
