So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
