i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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