this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
