We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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