Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
