we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
