there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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