we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize