I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
