Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Two words: blizzard sex
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
